is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
