OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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