So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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