Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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