Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
