I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
