A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
