...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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