Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
