i need an iv and a liver transplant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
