Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
