cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
