my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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