god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
