mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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