i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
