come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
