I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
