The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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