I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
