You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
