I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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