so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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