maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
