I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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