How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
