awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
