OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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