He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
