I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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