Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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