So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
