Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
