just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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