I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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