My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
