I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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