I just cut my nipple shaving
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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