is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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