i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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