Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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