Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
