My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
