3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
