Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
