Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
