We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
