Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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