get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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