remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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