upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what day is it and did you see me today?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
