You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
