I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
