My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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