you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
