sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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