On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
