i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
