dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
